My Kids Don’t Like Who I’m Dating

Are your kids having a hard time warming up to your dating partner? They may even be bluntly telling you that they dislike the person that you are dating. This can be due to a variety of factors including jealousy over your time they feel is taken away from them, anger towards anyone who may appear to be displacing their mother or dad or even protecting you from any future hurt in your life. It helps to sit down individually with each child to explore the underlying feelings.

One thing that can be helpful is to have your date spend time alone with the child (or children) that dislike(s) him or her. They actually may get along much better that way in your absence. This seems to happen a lot when the key person isn’t in the mix.

Are there certain qualities about your partner that you can see may be difficult for your kids? For instance is there a certain tone of voice that they may be reacting to or is there a habit that may be offensive that your partner doesn’t realize he or she engages in? If that is the case and it seems to be a characteristic that would enable your partner to have personal growth by changing it , it is worth trying to discuss it with him or her if the person is open to it. Sometimes people don’t realize that they are too critical or that they interrupt someone when they speak. This has to be pointed out to someone artfully and of course they may or not be motivated to make changes about their personality.

If your kids have disliked everyone you’ve ever dated then this shows that it isn’t personal about the specific person you are seeing but most likely something about their other parent being replaced which bothers them. . Get them to try to open up about their reactions. This isn’t always easy , especially during the teenage years. Tell them a little about your own reaction to your parents’ interaction and let them see you a bit as how you were as a kid and not just in your parenting role. Kids connect more when spoken to in a non “teacher-like” way at times. Go into your own childhood a bit with them and see if this can generate a genuine conversation.