Dating a Man in the Workplace

Office romances are full of risk. Before you start flirting over the copy machine, think about where an office romance could take you. In fact, your company may have a firm policy discouraging dating a co-worker or at least dating a person within the same department.

Even if there’s no policy, you need to decide what’s going to be your personal policy about dating that new hot guy in the next cubicle. Granted, you spend many hours weekly at work. It’s only natural that you form friendships at work and occasionally socialize with co-workers after hours. Time spent away from work pressures can be great for building rapport among co-workers.

If your socializing turns into a romance, then all the rules change. You know that it’s tough enough to concentrate on the mundane chores of your job when your mind is swirling with images of your new man. But when he’s in the next cubicle, it gets much harder.

With any new guy, it’s easy to want to sneak personal phone calls and rush out at 4:59 p.m. to get a jump on parking lot traffic just to be with him. Imagine how much more distracting a romance would be if your guy was only a few desks or a floor away from you all day long?

Having your guy so close that you can sneak kisses in the supply room sounds wonderful, but it can also create some embarrassing situations. All of your relationship woes could – and probably would – become office fodder for the gossip mills.

Harmless courtship actions like blatantly flirting aren’t bad, but they can easily become inappropriate in a workplace. You may think no one else notices, but think again. They notice, they watch and they talk.

Then the first time you and your guy have a disagreement, you might as well post it on the office bulletin board. Everything about your demeanor and your reactions toward each other show when you’re having a fight. Then the grapevine heats up with speculation about how long before the romance is over and you two might even be teased about it. It’s not unheard of for co-workers to place bets on how long the relationship will last. That’s not reserved just for sitcoms on TV.

If you think these situations might feel uncomfortable at work, there’s only one way to make it worse – and that’s to date your boss. Whether he’s your immediate supervisor in the department or the Vice President in the corner office, you’re going to be seen as a social climber.

Anything good that happens to you, even if it’s a reward for work you did last quarter is going to be seen as favoritism because you’re dating the boss. So if you really do find romance in the office with a co-worker or the boss, consider changing departments or company locations to put some healthy distance between you and him. You’ll give your relationship a better chance to develop when it’s not being watched and judged by so many prying eyes.

What to Do If You Like Him But He Doesn’t Call

You had a fabulous time on the first date. He was so easy to talk to that you felt like you had known him for years. He seemed to have your same tastes in food and movies. You were amazed at how well you got along and looked forward to the next date.

If you’re honest, you felt such a connection to him that you told your best friend that you may have found your Mr. Right. Then the next day passes and no phone call. After a week, you stop checking voice mail, email or making excuses for him and accept that he’s not going to call you.

How do you handle the rejection? You could head for the ice cream shop and drown your sorrows in scoops of rich ice cream with cookies and sprinkles on top. Hanging around the house in an old bathrobe and crying is another way to deal with hurt feelings.

Drinking alcohol, driving too fast or getting angry and trash talking about him are other destructive ways to cope with your sadness. You might act that way in private or with friends, but don’t publicize your anger toward him because eventually you might run into him again.

If you work in the same company, or even within the same industry, chances are you’ll see him again. If you met him through friends, then you can count on landing in the same social setting before too long.

How you handle yourself in that situation is going to be seen by others, so you need to think it over before it happens to avoid making a fool of yourself over a guy who doesn’t deserve your attention.

Maybe you’ve imagined how you might tell him off – but is that really what you should do? First of all, if he didn’t care enough about you to call after the date as he said he would, then he simply doesn’t care what you think.

Telling him how you feel won’t change him because he has no interest in you. If you do that, you are the one who looks foolish in front of friends or co-workers. Or you might be fantasizing about showing him what he missed by parading a new date in front of the other guy.

The reality check he won’t care, and your new guy won’t like being used to try to stir up jealousy in another man. You lose on both counts. The longer you obsess about him, the more you build up something that’s more than what it ever was.

You can analyze your dating conversation a thousand ways so that you eventually hear something that wasn’t said and believe something that never happened. That’s the power of obsession – it turns reality into fantasy that you begin to believe.

Don’t resort to high school dating tricks like sending him anonymous cards that are sweet or sarcastic. And definitely don’t drive by his house at all hours to see who he’s with. You can’t win him over by stalking him. Just be glad that he realized you two weren’t right for each other early on, rather than after dating for a while, and move on to find the man who will treasure you and realize what a gem he has.

The Right Way to Dress for Any Date Night

Dressing for a date says a lot about what you think about yourself and about your guy. It’s not that you have to be phony or dress differently, but you do have to dress appropriately for the plans he’s made for the date.

It’s a smart idea to ask the guy what kind of evening he has planned. If he wants to keep it a surprise, then ask whether you need to dress as you would for the office, for a sports event or for an elegant party. Most guys wouldn’t know if you asked them about specific outfits (cocktail dress versus pants, for instance) so giving them a range of situations helps them clarify what type of date you’ll be on. And then that gives you a range in which to choose your outfit.

How you dress says so much about who you are. If you go out in a halter with cleavage barely contained and a mini-skirt that’s only slightly larger than his handkerchief, then you’re sending a message that he reads as YES and other women quickly label slut. You’ll get plenty of attention, but the wrong kind of attention.

Dressing for a date when you aren’t sure about the plans is like going to a job interview. You’ve certainly heard the advice to dress for the job you want, rather than the job you have.

That means you dress up just a bit more. It’s always better to be slightly overdressed than underdressed. For a date, apply that advice. If you aren’t sure what to wear, go with business casual and sensible shoes. If you wear a sleeveless top, bring along a hoodie or light sweater, since you don’t know whether you’ll be inside a chilly movie theater or sitting outside at a patio restaurant after the evening temperatures drop.

If you’re getting back into the dating scene after a few years, take time to look over the current magazines and online fashion sites for casual style ideas. Then ask friends who have similar tastes as yours what they would wear for a date.

Basic rule of thumb: if you haven’t dated for five years or more, don’t wear what you used to wear on dates. Chances are you will telegraph your dating scene absence with a wardrobe that needs to freshen up.

You don’t have to buy all new clothes – just edit your outfits and add a bold item that’s current. Even if you’ve lost lots of weight and just got a facelift, don’t go shopping in the junior department after age 25.

You’ll add to your age by trying to look too young. So if your preteen daughter loves the T-shirt dress, buy it for her and not for yourself. Even if your wardrobe basics do double duty for work and social wear, keep a few items that are only for dates.

That doesn’t mean something sleazy or provocative. Instead, find a color-saturated sweater in a shade that makes your eyes sparkle and draws attention to your face or a wrap dress that shows your figure in tastefully sexy ways and wear those items for date night. Then you’ll start the evening feeling good in an outfit that makes you feel special even before he walks through the door!

Dating Men

Before you start flirting over the copy machine, think about where an office romance could take you. In fact, your company may have a firm policy discouraging dating a co-worker or at least dating a person within the same department.

Even if theres no policy, you need to decide whats going to be your personal policy about dating that new hot guy in the next cubicle. Granted, you spend many hours weekly at work.

Its only natural that you form friendships there and at times choose to socialize with co-workers after hours. That time spent away from work pressures can be great for building rapport.

If your socializing turns into a romance, then all the rules change. You know that its tough enough to concentrate on the mundane chores of your job when your mind is swirling with images of your new man.

You sneak personal phone calls and rush out at 4:59 to get a jump on parking lot traffic just to be with him. Imagine how much more distracting a romance would be if your guy was only a few desks or a floor away from you all day long?

Having your guy so close that you can sneak kisses in the supply room sounds wonderful, but it can also create some embarrassing situations. All of your relationship woes could become office fodder for the gossip mills.